Don't Go Breakin' My Heart (Or My Car Window)...

I walked out of my apartment this morning to go to work and discovered that my truck had been broken into. The driver's side, passenger (back) door stationary window was busted out. As I got closer to the window and looked inside, I began to pray that nothing was missing and that it was somehow an accident. You know, like someone accidentally dropped their crowbar and it bounced into the window. But, that wasn't the case. My iPod, iPod car charger, cell phone charger, cellphone earpiece, and loose change were stolen. Pretty much everything in my center console. Everything except my Visine.

There was also a note left under my windshield wiper saying, "Please do not park in my spot any more. If it doesn't stop I will call and have you towed. Thank you." I've parked in the same spot, the spot that I was assigned, since I moved into my apartment. But, knowing how forgetful I am, I went by the complex office to double check. Turns out I'm in the right space. But now I'm worried that it might have had something to do with the break in. And I'm left wondering if it's safe to park at my own apartment anymore.

If there's one thing I've learned from watching Veronica Mars, it's the importance of using deductive reasoning. So, in honor of my (and Joss Whedon's) favorite TV heroine; here are some things I've learned from carefully examining the crime scene:

1) Upon inspection of the ground around the truck, I found lots of pennies. The thief probably dropped these as he or she ran off. (I kept my change in a holder I bought from Target. I kept the pennies in the bottom, which detached. Since I had a lot of pennies, if you tried to pick it up without holding the bottom, it would fall off.) This allows me to eliminate my first suspect: Benjamin Franklin. It's widely known that he once quipped, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Since the thief didn't save these copper portraits of our 16th president, we can see a clear deviation from what we know to be a major character trait in him: thriftiness. Mr. Franklin, you're safe for now. But as Gordon Sumner once sang, I'll be watching you...

2) I noticed that, while taking all of my chargers with them, the thief left behind my Oakleys and Visine. Therefore, we can conclude that they do not have light sensitive, dry eyes.

3) The driver's seat was found in a completely reclined position. It's completely logical for us to infer that the thief became tired from his or her larceny and required a nap. Upon waking and feeling refreshed, they made their getaway.

So, from my keen Monk-like observations, I can safely conclude that we should be searching for a well-rested person with eyes of a normal dryness who is not Benjamin Franklin. Somebody get John Walsh on the case.

Anyone want to make a contribution to the Josh Needs a New iPod fund...


Lauren Faiai said...

What a BUMMER. Sounds like you need to move back to the 91977.

Julie Hibbard said...

I am sad that this happened to you. Losing your Ipod is like losing your best friend. Well, it would be for me. I am happy to see that you kept your sense of humor and perspective about it all though. That's a good sign...You are hilarious!
I love the link to my buddy Gordon.
Hang in there!!

Brent said...

Dude, that sucks.

You've got mad deductive reasoning skills though.

Joshua Griffin said...

This is the only correct way to respond when someone steals an iPod from you.

Argh, friend.