5/17/2007

Pay No Attention To the Man Behind the Curtain...

I always wrestle with whether or not to post personal thoughts and feelings here. I mean, on the one hand, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want. But, on the other hand, anyone in the world can read it at any time. And I'm not sure if I'm totally comfortable with that.

However, God has given me a voice and a calling, and I feel like those two things are intrinsically tied to each other. He has given me a voice (and in some cases, this in particular, a voice in print) that I can use to speak truth and love, and a calling to use it for His glory.

I'm not sure I ever feel like I'm more in the center of what God wants me to be doing than when I'm sharing who He is with others. Through His word, through what He's done in my life, and especially through all of the billions of mistakes (most of them hilarious because of how stupid they are) that I've made along the way. So I suppose the times that I do somehow fight through the walls that I've built up over the years to allow some light from the outside to shine in are there because I hear God saying that someone needs to hear it. They need to hear the story.

So, tonight you get a bit of the story.

For some reason, God has been speaking to me through music a great deal lately. A few days ago, I posted about how I had been inspired by Coldplay. Today's inspiration has come from a band called Mute Math. Rather than try to explain the various details of how my life relates to this, I'll just let you read the lyrics:

"Chaos" by Mute Math
Complication's my claim to fame
And I can’t believe there’s another
Constantly just another
I can’t avoid what I can’t control
And I’m losing ground
Still I can’t stand down
And I know, yeah I know, yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down to chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down to chaos

It’s hard to trust anyone again
After all the let downs I’ve been through
Haunted by what I’ve been through
Air still trapped while I still can't breathe
And I’m screaming out
Give me help somehow
And I know, yeah I know, yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down to chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down to chaos

We've all been hurt. It's almost a guarantee in life. Some of us have been hurt more than others. Sometimes, to the point that we don't think that we could trust anyone ever again. I've been there. I hope you haven't, but more than likely you have.

Sometimes, in the midst of our hurt, we're tempted to give up. We're tempted to give up on ourselves. We're tempted to give up on others. And sometimes, and here's me being really open here, we're tempted to give up on God.

Why is it that, when people hurt us, we blame God? Oh sure, we may not actually say it. "God, it's all your fault! How could you let this happen?" But, deep inside, almost unconsciously, we withdraw from Him. As if He's the one who hurt us. As if He wanted it.

But that's just not true.

I've discovered through my life (all of the times that I've succeeded and all of the times that I've failed), that it's during our times of hurt; when people fail us, that we need to run as hard as we can into God's embrace. Like a child who's fallen down on the playground runs into his father's arms for comfort and security, so too should we run to our Father.

I've found myself meditating on God's unchanging nature a lot lately. I don't know why. But for some reason, it's been a big comfort to me: to know that, no matter who comes and goes into or out of my life, He'll be there. No matter who loves me or not, He'll be there. No matter where I go, what I do, what church is on my business card, how big my ministry is, who I'm dating (or not dating), how big (or small) my income is, how many friends I have (in real life, not on myspace), or how badly I just want to quit it all sometimes... He'll be there; waiting to pour His love down on me.

Nothing can seprerate me from that love. Not even me.

So, I'll leave you with this. On February 16, when I delivered the eulogy and message at my grandmama's funeral, I closed with this verse. I chose it because it reminds me of how passionately (and sometimes crazily) God is in love with me. It reminds me of the lengths He's willing to go to for me. All because He loves me.

Don't let yourself give up. Ever...

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

3 comments:

Alli Hibb said...

Brevity. Learn about it.

Josh(ua) Treece said...

I want to erase your comment.

Brent said...

Erase her comment. Mute Math rocks! They kill it live.