This will be one of the most painful posts I will ever have to write.
If you think, for even a second, that I wasn't in line to see this movie at 11:59pm on Thursday night, then you don't know me very well. Editor's Note: And you don't read this blog regularly. I have seen this movie 3 times in 3 days. I wanted to make sure that I took some time to really think about it before I gave my review of it. Spider-man is iconic to me, so anything I say about him deserves to be carefully measured, weighed, and considered before it's put into writing. Believe me Spidey, this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you...
Running Time: 2 hrs. 20 mins.
Directed By: Sam Raimi
Starring: Tobey McGuire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco, Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace, Bryce Dallas Howard
This is, perhaps, one of the most eagerly anticipated movies of all time. Especially by me. I have been salivating over this movie since they announced it. And, if you look at the box office receipts from its opening weekend, you would be led to believe that it was everything people wanted. However, I have yet to meet a person who would agree. I'm going to skip the usual rundown on what the movie's about, since every person on earth has probably seen a commercial, and head straight for the review.
Words cannot describe how much I was let down by this movie. The first one was my Episode IV. It introduced me to a whole new unimagined world of movie sweetness. The second movie was my Empire Strikes Back. (How do you like those comparisons Josh?) It upped the story, acting, and effects. Better movie, but second in my heart to the first. This movie had inspired so much hope in me. It was going to be bigger (rumored to be the last in a trilogy, the studio was sure to break the bank on it). It had my favorite Spider-man villain in it (Venom). And it was getting pushed much more than it's predecessors. But, in the end, it couldn't deliver.
Everything about this movie was too much. I hate to say it, but this movie brought to mind when Joel Schumacher took over the Batman franchise from Tim Burton. He changed the whole feel of the franchise; making it campy, neon laced, and packed with too much useless fill. (Not to mention the nipples on the bat-suit.)
When people have asked me about my opinion on it, I have said that I have two; one as a life-long Spider-man fan, and one as a movie goer. Both were disappointed, but the movie goer a little less so. So, I'll do my best to seperate the two opinions and indicate where one takes over for the other.
What follows is a SPOILER FREE review.
So, what was good?
And so, with a heavy heart, I award Spider-man 3 with a certified 2.5 Yarmulke™ rating.
I can only pray that the inevitable 4th installment turns out better. Because up until then, my favorite movie franchise has been desecrated. Of course this is an opening night movie. In fact, you've probably already seen it. But, don't get your hopes up. As I'm sure you'll walk out disappointed like me...