2/25/2008

Things That I'll Need If I'm Ever Going to Save the World...

I saw Vantage Point (certified 3 Yarmulke™ rating) on Friday night. And, although I've suspected it for some time now, my suspicions have now been confirmed: Dennis Quaid is awesome. I can only dream that I will be as tough as him when I'm 53 years old.

In the movie, as I'm sure as in his real life, Quaid saves the day (and kicks tons of butt doing it). And, as I watched this butt being kicked, I began to make a mental list of all the things that I'd need if I were to ever be in a position to save the world...

1) The ability to drive stick...
This is really a no-brainer. How many times have you ever seen someone commandeer an automatic transmission vehicle for a high speed chase? Yeah... like, never. But, I've never learned how to drive a manual. So, if I were the only thing standing between life and death for the President, and I had to find a fast car to chase down his kidnappers, the last thing I need to be thinking about is finding a car that doesn't use a clutch. You! I need your car! Wait, is it a stick? OK, nevermind! NEXT!

2) A Tuxedo...
Go ahead. Name one James Bond movie where he didn't wear a tux...

3) A Computer Expert...
This person would sit at a computer and give me instructions through an earpiece that I would wear. They'd also transfer important things to a PDA or smartphone that I would carry. When asked if they could pull something off, they would respond, "Are you kidding me, Josh? Piece of cake..."

4) Facial Hair That Only Grows to Stubble Length...
Indiana Jones, Jack Shepherd, Jack Bauer, Sonny Crocket... What do they all have in common? Stubble. Their missions could last until next leap year, and they'd never grow a full beard. Unfortunately, I have a full beard in about two weeks. So, something would need to be done about that...

5) Good Shoes...
Have you seen how much running is involved in saving the world? I'm going to need some serious arch support...

6 comments:

Michael Marchand said...

How about the Keanu-like ability to dodge bullets? I mean, I know that when the bad guys shoot, the good guys never get shot (even with 17 guys firing automatics)...but it sure would be nice dodge bullets in slo-mo. Just in case.

Terrace Crawford said...

You are so funny. Good post. I saw VP over the weekend too. That movie seemed like 20 minutes to me! It was so intense. I loved it. I thought the same thing of Dennis. He is the man.

Terrace Crawford said...

//ps// I can relate as far as driving a stick goes. I haven't really mastered that either. OK - I'll play the role of some wimpy guy whose car (complete with Auto Transmission) you hijack. You can be the guy who saves the world. Deal?

Terrace Crawford said...

Ok, actually, I've rethought this (in 2.3 seconds after posting). Why do I need to play that role? I'll be your sidekick. Yea, thats right. Sure, I may die earlier in our quest to save the world ... but I won't be a wimp.

Michael Marchand said...

Um. Question. Do you think this movie is high school appropriate? Struggling to find a movie to kick off our lasertag lock-in with.

Josh(ua) Treece said...

I think it's appropriate. I think maybe Be Kind Rewind would be friendlier to a ministry event.