As I watched last night's episode of Supernanny, my jaw hit the floor. The featured family, which lives in northern California, had seven kids in eight years. Seven in eight... On top of that, the mom of the family is 28 years old. That's one year older than me. And, during the day, her husband goes to work and she stays at home to care for their seven children.
I've had a lot of time for soul searching in the past month. I've had time to think about what my life is and what I want it to be about. One of the questions that I struggled with a few weeks ago was whether or not being a pastor was something that I do or something that I am. Since I'm in the process of searching for another church to serve at right now, am I not a pastor? I don't think so. After talking with some friends and praying and meditating on it, I think it's more of who I am. But this, as well as Marko's post and Supernanny, has led me to another question: "Why is it so easy for me to put others before myself in my professional life, but so hard for me to do it in my personal life?"
I've never had a problem sacrificing in ministry. Not only because it's what I understand is supposed to happen, but because I genuinely want my kids and volunteers to succeed more than anything else. But, in my personal life, I can't always say that. But I want, so desperately, to be able to.
I feel like God has been rocking my world in the past month, and this is just the latest example of that. Looks like another item to add to the prayer list...