1/09/2014

The Year I Swore Off Time Travel

Here we are. Someone blinked, and now it's 2014. But, even though I suspect this isn't the year that I finally get the hoverboard I was promised by Robert Zemekis, I'm more excited about it than any other I can remember.

To explain further, I'll need to confess something to you. I struggle with remaining present in the moment. For the longest time, I've tried my best to escape the present (mostly due to me being unhappy, unwilling or unable to deal with what was going on in my life.)

To even type out that sentence on this blog produces all kinds of fear in me. It's an extremely transparent admission, that I was unhappy. I'm afraid to admit it here because I want people to think I've got it all together. 2013's biggest lesson for me was that I don't, and that's ok. Moreover, it's ok to admit it to other people. And, ever more, most of the time when you do finally fess up to it, you discover others don't have it together themselves and you end up finding better, more authentic, community. Gee, thanks 2013.

My method of escaping my unhappiness was to travel (inside my head) out of the present, and into the past or the future. I would relive relationships and events from the past or I would overemphasize the future in one of two ways: worry, or by thinking "everything in my life will be great whenever blank happens." (Most of the time, blank was either "when I get another job in full time ministry" or "when I find a relationship.") This has caused me to miss out on the now. In 2013, I looked up to realize I couldn't remember the last time I had been truly present for anything.

So why am I so excited for 2014? Because I've decided to give up time travel. Towards the end of last year, I began asking myself the question "What do you really love? What would your life look like if you did more of that?" I began asking myself these things because I came to the realization that I haven't done anything to invest in myself in quite some time. I haven't done anything to purposefully become more Josh. And, as best as I can reckon, the best way to be more in the present is to create one that you love instead of reliving the past or wishing for something in the future. I see now that it's time to put the DeLorean in the garage for good.

So, as a way of creating a present that I love in 2014, I've set some goals for myself. So far, it's a list of 15 things that I want to accomplish this year that I believe will increase who I am as a person. No, I'm not going to share them here. (Mostly because of this post from Donald Miller.) But, I'll probably write about them along the way.

For the first time in a long time, I'm excited about a great big blank canvas of possibility.

Question: What's one goal that you have for 2014 that will help you enjoy life more?

1 comment:

Julie Hibbard said...

Carpe Diem...
One day at a time...
Today has enough worries...
Enjoy each moment.
Hope all is well!